martial arts

Challenge, Mentorship, and Growth

It has been correctly said that real growth occurs outside of our comfort zone. We all have a squishy area that we enjoy — a soft sofa or a comfortable routine — that we fall back on when life presents us with challenges. However, sofas and routines don’t allow us to grow and become more than we used to be. Moreover, in the absence of that growth life becomes dull, colorless, and we never live the potential that we possess.

The question then is how best to leave our comfort zone. Sometimes we do this alone; we get up in the morning, get dressed, put on our shoes, I walk out into the world in a way that we haven’t before — and accomplish things that we haven’t previously achieved. Sometimes, however, the step is — or at least feels — too big. For whatever we reason are unable to take that step ourselves without support. In those moments what we need more than anything else is a mentor.

We don’t know what we can do until we try to do something we can’t do. But that’s an uncomfortable feeling and one that we instinctively avoid. It’s also something that a good mentor — a good instructor — can help us through.

The mentoring model is simple: a mentor is someone who has already done what you are attempting to do, someone who has traversed the path already. They then must know you and be familiar with your capabilities, and then after careful and deliberate consideration, they conclude that you can succeed. So they look you in the eye, and they say, “you can do this.” You believe them, and so you do.

I might be speaking in generalities, as I so often do. However, in this instance, I’m talking about my friend, and mentor Master Chip Townsend. Last year he told me that I could break a baseball bat, I believed him, and I did. This year he told me I could break two baseball bats, I believed him, and I did. I’m terrified of what he’ll tell me I can do next year 🙂

All my respect and gratitude,
Chris Santillo, Shihan

Potomac Kempo Baseball Bat Breaking Challenge Mentorship Growth

Book Release: Resilience Parenting

It is well understood that martial arts training helps to develop kids who are resilient — strong, adaptable, and able to recover. What is the secret? Our instructor training focuses on how to be the best possible teacher for every student and how to drive lessons through the three Pillars of Learning, Service, and Integrity.

Being the best possible teacher for every student is involved and challenging, but it is a learnable skill. It involves having the right mindset, taking advantage of all possible educational opportunities (both planned and unplanned), communicating effectively, and about a thousand other things.

Learning, Service, and Integrity are high ideals. Teaching them effectively requires a familiarity with the principles as well as an understanding of how they can be integrated into a child’s everyday, moment-to-moment life.

For years we have taught this methodology to generations of instructors and now we offer it to parents everywhere. Our book, Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence puts into the hands of parents the tools necessary to raise strong, adaptable, resilient children.

Resilience Parenting Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence Connectedness Independence Learning Service Integrity — Now available on Amazon.

Kempo Essay: Emily

I have two wonderful daughters and a wonderful husband. I have full time job that is challenging and, I believe, meaningful. As a mother, wife, and leader I have a lot of responsibilities and keep very busy. I needed a little time and an opportunity to focus on being a better me – to take care of myself so that I can be there for my family, those I lead, and those I serve. I studied martial arts when I was younger and really enjoyed it. I joined Potomac Kempo because I hoped that I would find the opportunity I needed – to improve my fitness, to challenge myself mentally and physically, and to have fun.

My first goal was to make Potomac Kempo part of my routine. With the support of my family, I have been able to be at the dojo three, and even sometimes four, times a week. Doing so while still being there for my family, those I lead, and those I serve has been a major achievement. A second goal was to improve my fitness. Over the last year, I have worked to incorporate fitness into my routine, finding opportunities to run, ride, or swim a couple of times a week. Since joining Potomac Kempo, I have been more active. I have blocked, punched, kicked, and had a lot of fun. A third goal was just that – to have fun, to find an activity I enjoyed that would benefit me not only mentally and physically but also emotionally. I look forward to going to the dojo, and I return to my daughters, my husband, and my job a little bit tired, a little bit fitter, and a little bit happier.

My ultimate goal is to be the best me I can be – to be the best mother, wife, and leader that I can. I believe that Potomac Kempo can help me achieve that goal. I hope to continue to make Potomac Kempo a part of my routine. At times doing so will be a challenge, particularly as my family’s needs change and the demands of my job grow, but I know that I need to take care of myself so that I can be there for my family, those I lead, and those I serve. I hope to continue to improve my fitness – to increase my endurance, strength, and agility. I hope to improve those techniques that I have learned, to learn new techniques, and to gain confidence in my ability. I am eager to learn Kata 1, Kempo 3, and much more. Finally, I hope to keep having fun because as long as I am having fun I will come back to the dojo and because having fun is an important part of being the best me that I can be.

Martial Arts are for Real People

I was extremely fortunate, oh, those many years ago, when I wandered into a martial arts studio for the first time. Fortunate that I found Kempo but more so because I found Sensei Alen—now Master Alen Babayan. Sensei Alen ran a fantastic studio full of interesting people who were inspired and inspiring. What struck me most about the people in Sensei Alen’s studio was that they were real people. They weren’t tough guys or meatheads; no one was training for a full-contact fight in Thailand, and no one had ‘Kempo’ tattooed on his head. They were just ordinary people who had discovered that Kempo was a great way to become healthier, happier, and more well-rounded.

To be honest, I wasn’t yet a real person myself—just a teenager excited about the world he had walked into. I often trained with a lawyer who had kids my age and drove a high-end sports car. One woman, whose son was taller than me, was a Ph.D. and did research that totally went over my head. Another gentleman I worked out with ran a huge electronics distributor. They were all real people. They had jobs and lives, and families and priorities. The only thing we had in common was that Kempo was one of our priorities.

At the time, I didn’t appreciate what I had found. Years later, as I began to teach, meet other instructors, and visit other studios, I realized how rare Sensei Alen’s haven of ‘real’ really was.

That was long ago and thousands of miles away. Now I’m a real person too, with a wife and children and my own competing priorities. But Kempo is still one of those priorities—to train, teach, and share what I started learning from Sensei Alen a quarter century ago. The vision I still hold of that haven for real people continues to be our inspiration and motivates us to create that same sort of space where real people can gather to learn and grow.

I am so grateful to Sensei Alen for being who he is and for creating that space for so many of us to learn and grow. And I’m grateful to all of the real people who choose to train with us now. I’m grateful that amidst their jobs, lives, and families, they choose to be part of our haven of real people.

With gratitude
Chris Santillo, Shihan